Adam Lamble

It seems like forever now that I’ve felt like a kid. I remember being in sixth grade and looking up at the high schoolers, thinking to myself, “Man, I can’t wait to be old.” To this day I still feel young. For example, when I put on a suit to go to a wedding, I feel like I’m playing dress up. Or when people ask me what specialty I’m thinking about going into, I get snickers when I tell them I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

I’m not sure where this perpetual feeling of immaturity comes from. Maybe it’s because I don’t receive a paycheck or pay bills. Maybe it’s because I’ve been a lifelong student that, up until this year, had enjoyed the luxury of wearing jeans and a t-shirt everyday. Maybe it’s because I still laugh at poop jokes. I just don’t know. I thought maybe this year, since I’m “working” longer hours and have to wear a shirt and tie to the hospital I’d feel older, but I still find myself looking up at the residents like they could be my parents.

If there’s some sort of unofficial age landmark into adulthood, I’ve passed all the major ones. I can drive, vote, drink, and just recently, turned a quarter of a century old. Is it going to take an AARP card for me to think of myself as an adult? Maybe when I get my degree it’ll all of a sudden hit me. By the same token, I might just feel like a larger and less intelligent version of Doogie Howser. Maybe when I get married or have kids I’ll be forced into the role. Then again, my wife might be at the front of the line acknowledging the need for me to grow up. Maybe I should stop making letting my parents do my laundry, but if that’s the case, I don’t know if I ever want to grow up.

Who knows, maybe I’ll feel like a kid my whole life and I should stop complaining and just embrace this subconscious fountain of youth. I guess if I never can get a grasp on this whole growing up thing, there’s always pediatrics. There’s a patient population that could benefit from my ability to relate to them while simultaneously sharing in my appreciation for poop jokes. You have to admit, dropping the kids off at the pool will never get old.

So, I was officially “pimped” the other day. In a medical sense, pimping can be defined as:

Pimping (’pim-ping). [noun] [slang, in the setting of the medical professional]: the practice where one member of the medical team (often the attending physician or other senior house staff) asks a series of questions of another member of the team (most likely the third year medical student or other unsuspecting bystander) with the alleged intent of teaching but often with the unspoken intent of intimidation and/or embarrassment. [The Kwintessential Abridged Medical Dictionary]

Or as my pop points out, some say it’s simply an acronym standing for Piss. In. My. Pants.

Well, there I was, passively listening to a conversation between a resident and attending physician, minding my own business, when my attending turned to me and asked, “What is the main Paraneoplastic Neurologic Syndrome associated with Small Cell Carcinoma of the lung?”

I slowly repeated the question back, as if to clarify what the physician was asking. This is a veteran medical student move, intended to buy yourself more time to think and/or more time to suppress your gag reflex. Just as I was beginning to black out, I had an epiphany and blurted out, “Lambert-Eaton Syndrome!” Almost immediately, I could tell I had surprised everyone with the correct answer, including myself, and began to feel pretty good with myself… too good. My attending then said, “Good. Name another one.” See, that’s the beauty of pimping. You can’t win. I obviously failed miserably at this point and was therefore asked to prepare a presentation on Paraneoplastic Limbic Encephalitis for the next day.

Of course, the art of pimping is totally one sided. These same attendings that are prone to pimping are also the ones that scare you away from asking them questions. If you ever ask one something they’re not sure about, you’ll know it, because they respond with the infamous, “That would be a great thing for you to look up tonight and present tomorrow.”

If you’re interested, here’s an article from JAMA that presents a much more comprehensive and humorous look into pimping.