Adam Lamble

Every year radio stations try to outdo each other my starting to playing Christmas songs earlier and earlier. I think this year they began shortly after Halloween. I really don’t mind all that much since the radio stations down here in Manhattan are horrible. It gives me something to fall back on when every station is playing “I know We’re Cool” or “My Hump” at the same time. Well I don’t know about everyone else but everytime my song comes on the radio I drop anything I’m doing or I pull over to the side of the road if I’m in my car and just take a moment for myself. Yes, you know what song I’m talking about. Christmas Shoes. This brilliant song created by the Christian band Newsong details the journey of a young boy attempting to buy shoes for his mother on Christmas Eve so she can look beautiful… in case she meets Jesus… tonight. I think instead of radio stations strictly playing Christmas songs weeks before Christmas, they should solely play Christmas Shoes. It would be an injustice to mankind if this song is never made into a movie. I believe this song was created to remind us what Christmas is all about… don’t wait until Christmas Eve to buy presents otherwise you’re going to be duped into buying a strange kid a pair of shoes.

Disclaimer: If anyone knows my family then you know that this song is a huge joke to us because not only is it a terrible song but our mother conceded that the first time she heard it she got teary eyed. Christmas Shoes and Toystory are every middle-aged woman’s weakness.

Update: For some strange reason there are a few of you out there who have yet to hear this masterpiece so I decided to put off studying a little longer and do some investigating. After a quick google search not only did I find that the song was made into a book but CBS also created a made-for-tv movie starring none other than Rob Lowe. I think I remembered hearing something about this a couple years back but I must have repressed it. But without further adieu, I bring you Christmas Shoes. I’ll also one up the song and provide the Music Video free of charge.

Over the past four years of college finals one thing has become apparent: College students spend much more time calculating what they need to score on a final than actually studying for the final itself. I, being no different, have dedicated countless hours figuring out exactly how bad I can do and still keep my grade in all my classes. While calculating my grade in Ecology I came across an anomaly. Since most of our tests are graded electronically everything is posted online. I can go back and see what the correct answer was to a test and how I answered it. Well on my third exam the computer was telling me I missed question #12 because I chose not to answer it. This was a ridiculous thought to me because after I finish a test I always run back through all the questions and go over my answers and make sure I have all of them completed. There are some out there who consider this cheating (you know who you are) but I think you are just jealous because you are not the favorite child. But this was a tough exam though and I was kind of rushed so I gave the system the benefit of the doubt and went ahead and emailed my teacher to confirm I hadn’t answered #12. Well he emailed me back and said not only did I answer it but I answered it correctly and that he would adjust my score respectively. My score was never changed so I confronted him after class and he said he thought he remembered changing it and for me to check it again. So I did. And he didn’t. It’s getting close to crunch time so I sent a strongly worded email back to my professor telling him to fix my score or to suffer the consequences. I have yet to hear back.

Anyway, I will tell you what is going on here. For years students have believed that their tests are being misgraded. That the computer is misinterpreting a smudge on their answer sheet for an answer or reading an erased answer, but we’ve never been able to prove it. Until now. Now that I have proof there has been a cover up. They don’t want this information getting out so they’re denying it ever happened. First there was Roswell, then there was JFK, and now there is question #12 on my third Ecology exam. Think about it. There would be a complete collapse in our education system as we know it if they had to conifrm their system is flawed. All past grades would have to be wiped from the system due to the possibility of misgrading and we would all be given the benefit of the doubt and receive A’s in Organic Chemistry 2.

Well I choose not to stand for this government conspiracy. I have decided to sacrifice the time I should spend studying for finals and am going back through every exam I have taken in college and high school and looking for any discrepancies in grading. I want all of you to do the same. Boycott studying for finals with me and join me in my fight against The Man. I am posting this now for if I “happen” to be removed from the puplic eye you will know what has happened to me. The truth needs to be heard!

I miss back in grade school when every other time it snowed we would get school cancled. I remember sometimes they would even have to cancel school when it got too cold out because they didn’t want kids waiting outside for the bus. The best was when I would be taking my morning shower and my mom would yell through the door that school had been cancled. Since I was already awake I would have the whole day ahead of me to do anything I wanted like… go back to bed.

Anyway, it’s been snowing all day and my roommate and I have a pretty big assignment due tomorrow but we decided we wouldn’t finish it because they’re probably going to cancel school tomorrow because of the snow… or at the least because it’s too cold. I am ready for this semester to be over.